Tuesday, June 27, 2017

No One Cares What Kind of Car You Drive

People are worth more than their possessions. | thechroniclesofchaos.com

I was talking to my maternal parental unit (ha!) the other day and she was talking about her boyfriend. And I said, "So, tell me about him. What's he like?" I expected any number of answers like, 'He's funny, kind, handsome,' etc. But the answer I got made me sad. She said, "Well, he drives a BMW. But it's an older model, not one of the new ones. And his son is really smart, he has a Ph.D." 

Seriously? I'm not interested in his possessions, or the IQ of his offspring. Like, tell me what he's like as a PERSON. So, if he drove a hooptie and his son was a ding dong, what then? Would you not date him anymore? I can only imagine how she describes me to other people. Her minivan-driving, stay-at-home-mom of a daughter.   

Do you ever wonder how you can share the same blood as someone and be completely different from them? Like night and day. I remember growing up and wanting to be friends with people from school only to have her say, "No, don't talk to them anymore. Did you see what they were wearing? They look like trash. People will think you are trash, too." I never listened to her, obviously, I just got better at lying. Ha. (We have a complicated relationship, to say the least.) But it always stuck with me, this hateful snap judgment of people you don't know based on the clothes they wear or the car they (or their parents) drive. I mean, I never wanted for anything as a kid - we were comfortable financially and solidly middle class. But it's not like we had a stable full of BMWs either, so it was kind of ridiculous to judge other people by that standard, right?

I talk about this with my kids all the time. That everyone is different - they look different, they act different, they have different beliefs. And that's the beauty of being human. I remind them all the time not to judge anyone. None of us are perfect, but as long as we try to be good people and treat each other kindly, then we're doing OK. 

We're all from different walks of life. And I never begrudge anyone their financial success. If you drive the newest model BMW, that's freaking awesome, and can I borrow five dollars? Ha. But I care more about who people are on the inside and how they treat others. 

Plus, people are more than their possessions and accomplishments and who they are related to. The measure of "success" is different for everyone, I get that, but if the zombie apocalypse happens tomorrow, your BMW isn't going to save you. Sorry. 

Anyway, all of this to say - Don't judge a person by their possessions. A person's worth is measured by so much more. 

"We're all human, aren't we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." -J.K. Rowling


People are worth more than their possessions. | thechroniclesofchaos.com

Friday, June 23, 2017

Broken Teeth: Getting to the Root of My Dreams

Dreams about broken teeth | thechroniclesofchaos.com

At least 5 times in the past few weeks, my dreams have been about having broken teeth. Every time, I'll be doing something routine in my dream, like walking around the grocery store or doing laundry. And then I'll notice an ache in my jaw at first. And then I'll feel this strange rubbery-ness in my teeth that's hard to describe. Kind of like when you bend a carrot, but before it breaks. And I'll think to myself, "That feels really weird. What is going on?" And then someone will say something completely normal to me in my dream, most of the time I don't even remember what it is when I wake up, and then I'll stop in my tracks and realize I have a mouth full of broken teeth. And I can feel them rolling around in my mouth like little broken pebbles. And I don't want to swallow them, but I also don't want to spit them out. And I can feel little tiny grains mixed in with the pebbles, like sand. Also, there's this faint metallic, burnt taste in my mouth - kind of like how it tastes after you get a cavity filled. And then, as if on a delayed timer, the pain will be excruciating. And then I wake up. 

WHAT EVEN GIVES? It freaks me out when I wake up. I can feel a slight ache in my jaw, like I've been clenching my teeth while I was dreaming, which makes sense, but whaaatttt? I could see if I dreamed about it once - it probably wouldn't even register, since we all have weird dreams from time to time. But after 5 times, it's really creeping me out. 

I decided to look up the meaning behind dreams about broken teeth and here's what I found:

* "Deep down inside you might feel broken about aspects of yourself that are now coming to the surface. These dreams can hint at repressed insecurity that needs to be addressed. Masks are created by the ego to protect ourselves from our own personal hidden idiosyncrasies that we do anything to hide. Being exposed of our imperfection might have us feeling unsettled.  Though there is an important message in this dream that wants us to look inward to do some repairing." [via DreamDictionary.org]

* "The main meanings for dreams about teeth breaking or broken teeth are:
- Instability and lack of balance
- Issues with reliability and trust
- Guilt or concerns over broken promises
- Emotional pain, fear of loss
- Price paid for costly compromises
- Invitation to look at your current course of action, path." [via teethfallingoutdream.org]

Again, WHAT EVEN GIVES? I didn't realize that there was all this deep meaning behind the dreams. And according to all the articles I saw on Google, it's a fairly common dream that people have. I don't really feel any inner turmoil that needs to be addressed, but I did think it was interesting that both sources point to looking inward - to either do some repairing, or to evaluate my current path. And that part does ring true to me. 

I said the other night during an online discussion that I was "purposefully adrift". I'm still figuring out what the heck I want to do with my life. And I honestly think that it's a normal thing to go through, but I don't know, maybe I'm subconsciously struggling with it more than I realize. I've always been someone with a plan, someone who rigidly stuck to the rules and goals I set for myself. But lately, I've thrown the rulebook out the window and have just been allowing myself the space to breathe and think and figure out stuff. And that is definitely a strange feeling for someone who has never done it before. So maybe that's the root of my weird dreams. But 5 times? C'mon brain. Enough is enough. Message received. I'll try to speed up my soul-searching. Or something. 

Have you ever had any weird dreams? Did you look up the meaning behind them? Tell me all the things and comment below. 


Dreams about broken teeth | thechroniclesofchaos.com

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Confessions of a Boy Mom

Boy Mom Confessions | thechroniclesofchaos.com

Recently, my buddy Sarah shared a post about her son Henry and why she loves having a boy. And as a boy mom myself, I loved it so much, and she inspired me to write my own post. 

If you've been around these parts before, you've seen me talk about my sons pretty often, I'd wager. But just in case you're new here, let me introduce them. 


This is Dom. He's my 8 year old, going on 18. He's silly, smart, funny, outgoing, curious, sensitive, and philosophical. He loves random facts about every subject under the sun. He would eat popcorn all day every day if I'd let him. 


This is Will. He's my 6 year old. He's very sweet and cuddly. He has a stubborn streak a mile long and a quick temper to match. He loves to sing and often tells me in the car to turn the music up. And he has the memory of an elephant, so don't ever tell him anything you don't want him to remember. 

So, now that you're familiar with my cast of characters, I have some things to share with you. 

I have 2 sons, and these are my confessions of a boy mom. 

- I hear these words about 1,000 times a day: penis, butt, balls, boobs, poop, pee, boogers, and farts. 

- They know how to work every gadget known to man, but still can't find their shoes. 

- They would sleep in my room with me every night if I'd let them. 

- Their giggles are everything that is right in my world. 

- They are so incredibly smart. It amazes me the things that they know already. 

- Nothing lifts my spirits faster than hugs and kisses from my boys. 

- They have the biggest hearts and love to write letters to my hubs and me and to their grandparents. 

- Their bathroom is a disaster area that I try to avoid as much as I can. Toothpaste rivers. Toilet paper confetti. Urine... everything. I just can't. 

- They bicker all day long, but as soon as one of them leaves the room, the other one will follow so that they can be together. 

- Even though they are 2 years apart, people always ask me if they are twins. 

- They each have one of their grandfather's names as their middle name. 

- Some days the noise and mess they make overwhelms me. But as soon as they're not here, I can't stand how quiet the house is. 

- They know more about cartoons, action figures, video games, and YouTube stars than I ever will. 

- It scares the shit out of me that I'm partially responsible for shaping them into the adults they'll be one day. I wonder every day if I've done enough, if I've explained enough, if I've demonstrated enough. Is it ever enough? 

- Even now, I still sneak into their room when they're sleeping and check on them. Because I can't sleep unless I know they are OK. 

- The expression about children being your heart outside of your body is 100% true. I am filled with love for these 2 little rascals and they've changed me in so many ways - all for the better. How did I get so lucky? 

- I confess that I'm a boy mom and I wouldn't have it any other way. 


Boy Mom Confessions | the chroniclesofchaos.com


Sunday, June 18, 2017

A Letter to My Father on Father's Day

Father's Day | my father | Dear Dad | letters to dad

Dear Dad,

Every year, Father's Day comes around and I think - it had to have been a day created just for you. I don't know much about Richard Nixon, aside from the obvious, but he somehow must have known what an incredible dad you'd be one day as he made Father's Day into a permanent holiday in 1972.

I think back on all of the laughs, the inside jokes, the adventures, the tickle wars, the secret words derived from a mixture of many languages, and so much more. And my heart feels full. I feel blessed and grateful that the universe brought us together in the bonds of blood and soul. 

I look at pictures of myself sometimes and I see you. The same forehead, eyebrows, nose, serious expression. The same look of painful resignation at having to pose for the camera. The same aloofness that shouts to the world, "I can take care of myself," while inside our hearts beat like peaches - soft and easily bruised. 

I don't know what I would have done growing up without you. I know I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I was lost for a long time, due to other events and circumstances, and I don't think I would have ever found myself if it wasn't for you. And I know that if I can be half as good a parent as you to my 2 boys, then I think we'll all be doing OK. 

And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for so many things. Things that may seem small to some people, but have meant and still mean the world to me.

Thank you for always making me feel heard when I was still trying to find my voice. For always making time for me. 

Thank you for your patience with me - whether it was teaching me to ride a bike, or waiting an hour for me to finish dinner. 

Thank you for always making me feel safe

Thank you for teaching me the important things in life. Things like - if you're on time, you're late. Or to always be prepared. Or how life is serious enough, so don't forget to have a sense of humor. Or to have a healthy dose of skepticism, instead of following the crowd. Or how to appreciate good food, good music, and especially good books. 

Thank you for never patronizing me and always talking to me and treating me like an adult. 

Thank you for: gas station subs; blasting "California" at 4am on a Florida highway; rescuing me from jellyfish; playing "restaurant" with me for hours without ever complaining; burnt pudding; not giving me crap when you were right about dark denim; always being my cheerleader and advocate; picking blackberries; making long walks and long drives to nowhere the most fun I've ever had. This list could go on forever, but I think you get it. 

Happy Father's Day to the best father in the world. I hope you put your feet up, read a good book, and relax. Miss you, love you, BIG HUGS.

Love,
Me

Father's Day | Dear Dad | letters to dad


    

Friday, June 16, 2017

Pillow Talk: Silly Conversations With My Husband

What Do Married People Talk About | thechroniclesofchaos.com


Me: Why am I falling off the bed right now? Scoot over!

Charlie: No. Just come over here and cuddle with me and you won't fall off the bed.

Me: Ugh. No. It's hot. Your body heat will kill me. 

C: No it won't. Just come over here. *wraps his arms around me and pulls me tight*

Me: Nooo. Stop it. Get off me! I'm going to sweat to death.

C: *chuckles and moves even closer*

Me: Noooo. Go away. It's 1,000 degrees in here now. Stop accosting me!

C: Nope. *pause* Did you just lick my arm? 

Me: *pause* Maybe. 

--Tickle war ensues, dissolves into peals of semi-muffled laughter because the kids are sleeping--

Me: *voice filled with love* I hate you and love you at the same time. 

C: I know. Now come over here. 

Me: OK. 

C: Mmm. You feel like home. *drifts off to sleep*

Me: via GIPHY


****

Me: Would you still love me if I snored so loud it sounded like an earthquake? 

C: Um, who says you don't? You totally snore. Really loudly. 

Me: I do not! I never snore. And how would you know, since you always fall asleep before me? 

C: Because you wake me up out of a dead sleep with your snoring. 

Me: Lies. 

****

Me: What do you want for your birthday? 

C: Nothing. 

Me: Oh, here we go. Don't start, dude. Just tell me something that you want. 

C: I don't want anything. I don't want you to spend money on me. I just want to be here with you and the boys. 

Me: You're just saying you don't want anything, but if I'm like, "Oh, gee, Happy Birthday!" and walk off, you're going to get annoyed. 

C: No, I won't. I really don't want anything. 

Me: -Linda Blair in The Exorcist voice- TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT. 

C: A hug.

Me: a;sldfkjasdl;fjasl;kdfjsl;dkfjasl;dfj

C: *laughs hysterically* You're cute when you're mad. 

Me: Well, let's go out to eat at least. Does that sound good? Where do you want to go? 

C: I don't know. Nowhere. 

Me: asdl;kfjasld;fjasldfjasl;dkkfjaslk;dfjslk;djflaskdf

****

Me: Let's watch a movie tonight. 

C: OK. What do you want to watch? 

Me: I don't know. Let's see what on OnDemand. 

C: OK. *plays a few movie trailers* What do you think? Which one do you want to watch? 

Me: Meh. I'm not in the mood for those. 

C: Well, what are you in the mood to watch? 

Me: Something funny. But not like silly funny. Just like really funny. 

C: Um...OK. Well, how about...*lists a couple of movies*. 

Me: I guess. It's up to you. You pick. I don't really care. 

C: adslfkjasdl;fjasldfjsl;dfjslakd Just pick something, woman. 

Me: Hmmm. We could always watch The Killing again [my favorite show on the planet]. 

C: NO. Absolutely not. 

Me: *Sigh* Fine. Let's just watch John Oliver.

C: OK.

****

What silly conversations to you have with your spouse/significant other? Comment below. 




Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Why I Don't Have a Best Friend Anymore

Friendship as an Adult | thechroniclesofchaos.com

I have had many "best friends" over the course of my life. Friends from childhood, friends from school, friends from the neighborhood, etc. - various people have held the treasured title of "BFF". We would spend every waking moment together and then, gradually, for whatever reason, the friendships would begin to dissolve and we'd eventually lose touch. There was rarely bad blood - just the happenings of life. Then, after I left school and entered the working world, friendships were even harder to come by as we were all busy and didn't have much free time. I'd develop close friendships with the people I worked with, but we generally didn't hang out outside of work (with a few exceptions). Now, after getting married and having kids, most of my free time is spent with my family, and friend time gets pushed to the wayside sometimes. 

But I've come to realize lately that this need to put a label on friendship is silly to me. There are people I'm friendly with in certain situations - work, gym, my kids' friends' parents, etc. There are people you've known your whole life and know everything about you and love you no matter what. There are friends for certain seasons of life. There are friends that you adore, but may not see every day, but when you do get together, you pick up where you left off, as if no time had passed. Online friends who you've never met in person. There are friends who just "get" you, and conversation isn't always needed - just silly memes and articles that remind you of each other. 

All of that to say - I don't have a "best" friend, that one singular person who is somehow worthy of this special title at the exclusion of everyone else. But I have friends and I cherish them all - in every form and fashion that the friendship takes. I don't think any one of them is better than the others. They are all unique in their own ways and they each bring something special into my life. And I hope they feel the same way about me. :) 

Making and maintaining friendships as an adult is hard. There's never enough time in a day, week, month for me. And time flies by so fast that when I blink, I realize it's been 6 months since I've seen so-and-so. And it makes me sad, but I know that it's just the season of life that I'm in right now. And I can call up any of my friends to make plans and they won't judge. They're just as busy as I am. 

What do you think about having a best friend? And how do you maintain your friendships as an adult? Comment below, I'd love to hear from you! 




Friday, June 9, 2017

My Top 20 Mood-Boosting Songs

Songs to Improve Your Mood

I know it's Friday today, but I'm already preparing for next week. And I don't know about you guys, but Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst for me. Womp womp. I generally need an extra gallon of coffee on those mornings, and even more motivation. Don't get me wrong, I'm always grateful to live to see another day. But those days are just hard for some reason. 

I've noticed that listening to upbeat music always helps me out of my morning funk. So, I want to share with you my top 20 mood-boosting songs. I hope they help you when you need a boost as well! Give it a listen on Monday and let me know what you think.  

P.S. Don't judge me for my weird taste in music. :) 


1. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
2. Sugar by Maroon 5
3. Pledge Allegiance To The Hag by Eric Church
4. Good Life by G-Eazy and Kehlani
5. Can't Let Go by Lucinda Williams
6. All I Do Is Win by DJ Khaled
7. Steal My Sunshine by Len
8. Don't Stop Believin' by Journey
9. Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson
10. Kiss by Prince
11. Drink You Away by Justin Timberlake
12. Cake By The Ocean by DNCE
13. Sucker For Pain by Wiz Khalifa, Lil Wayne, Imagine Dragons, etc. 
14. Summer Love by Justin Timberlake
15. Shape of You by Ed Sheeran
16. Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars
17. Uma Thurman by Fall Out Boy
18. Sing by Ed Sheeran
19. The Outsiders by Eric Church
20. Bang Bang by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj

Which songs do you listen to improve your mood? Share in the comments below.