Friday, June 16, 2017

Pillow Talk: Silly Conversations With My Husband

What Do Married People Talk About | thechroniclesofchaos.com


Me: Why am I falling off the bed right now? Scoot over!

Charlie: No. Just come over here and cuddle with me and you won't fall off the bed.

Me: Ugh. No. It's hot. Your body heat will kill me. 

C: No it won't. Just come over here. *wraps his arms around me and pulls me tight*

Me: Nooo. Stop it. Get off me! I'm going to sweat to death.

C: *chuckles and moves even closer*

Me: Noooo. Go away. It's 1,000 degrees in here now. Stop accosting me!

C: Nope. *pause* Did you just lick my arm? 

Me: *pause* Maybe. 

--Tickle war ensues, dissolves into peals of semi-muffled laughter because the kids are sleeping--

Me: *voice filled with love* I hate you and love you at the same time. 

C: I know. Now come over here. 

Me: OK. 

C: Mmm. You feel like home. *drifts off to sleep*

Me: via GIPHY


****

Me: Would you still love me if I snored so loud it sounded like an earthquake? 

C: Um, who says you don't? You totally snore. Really loudly. 

Me: I do not! I never snore. And how would you know, since you always fall asleep before me? 

C: Because you wake me up out of a dead sleep with your snoring. 

Me: Lies. 

****

Me: What do you want for your birthday? 

C: Nothing. 

Me: Oh, here we go. Don't start, dude. Just tell me something that you want. 

C: I don't want anything. I don't want you to spend money on me. I just want to be here with you and the boys. 

Me: You're just saying you don't want anything, but if I'm like, "Oh, gee, Happy Birthday!" and walk off, you're going to get annoyed. 

C: No, I won't. I really don't want anything. 

Me: -Linda Blair in The Exorcist voice- TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT. 

C: A hug.

Me: a;sldfkjasdl;fjasl;kdfjsl;dkfjasl;dfj

C: *laughs hysterically* You're cute when you're mad. 

Me: Well, let's go out to eat at least. Does that sound good? Where do you want to go? 

C: I don't know. Nowhere. 

Me: asdl;kfjasld;fjasldfjasl;dkkfjaslk;dfjslk;djflaskdf

****

Me: Let's watch a movie tonight. 

C: OK. What do you want to watch? 

Me: I don't know. Let's see what on OnDemand. 

C: OK. *plays a few movie trailers* What do you think? Which one do you want to watch? 

Me: Meh. I'm not in the mood for those. 

C: Well, what are you in the mood to watch? 

Me: Something funny. But not like silly funny. Just like really funny. 

C: Um...OK. Well, how about...*lists a couple of movies*. 

Me: I guess. It's up to you. You pick. I don't really care. 

C: adslfkjasdl;fjasldfjsl;dfjslakd Just pick something, woman. 

Me: Hmmm. We could always watch The Killing again [my favorite show on the planet]. 

C: NO. Absolutely not. 

Me: *Sigh* Fine. Let's just watch John Oliver.

C: OK.

****

What silly conversations to you have with your spouse/significant other? Comment below. 




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