Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Serious Thoughts... on a Tuesday

"Mommy? Are you going to die one day?" 

Dom asked me this at dinner the other day, his face about to crumble. We were in the middle of eating fried chicken and his question caught me off guard. I replied, "Yes, baby, I will. It happens to everyone at some point. And it will be OK." 

He was quiet for a moment and then he said, "I know." And he went back to arguing with his brother about which game they'd play after dinner. 

It's hard to explain big, scary concepts to your children. Kids are curious creatures. I am not sure what prompted his question, but it made me a little sad that he was already thinking about mortality at the ripe old age of 8. He asks me often about his "grandpa who is in Heaven" (my father-in-law) and if his grandpa is really an angel who watches over him. I tell him yes and he seems comforted by the thought.

My other son, Will, always knocks me back with very grown-up sentiments from his tiny little 6 year old body. He tells me all the time, "Mommy, I love you so much. I will love you forever and ever and always and never stop no matter how big I get. You're my only mommy in the whole world." What do you even say to that? I squish him with all my might and smell his sweet boy smell and try not to melt into a puddle of tears. 

Sometimes I forget that as a kid, I had those same big, scary thoughts mixed in with my thoughts about toys and cartoons. I used to picture what my future would be like. I used to wonder if dying would hurt and what happens to me after and how will I know what happens to the world if I'm no longer here to see it and experience it? And why does my milk turn different colors after I eat my Fruity Pebbles? You know, normal Saturday morning stuff. 

And now that I'm older, I just tell myself, no matter what happens, I'll be OK. I've gotten through all the big milestones in my life so far and I'm OK. It's all a matter of controlling what you can, and trying to be at peace with what you can't and spreading as much love and joy as you can in between.

What serious thoughts are YOU having today? 

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