Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Write or Die Wednesdays: Tales of an Insomniac


Welcome to Write or Die Wednesdays: A Writer's Link-Up! We are Vashelle and Mia inviting you to partake in some creative writing with us every other week.

                                   

If you are new to this link-up and wondering what Write or Die is all about, check it out here!

We really enjoyed everyone's last #WODW's posts based off the photo prompt of an ocean wave. There's no denying that the waves of the ocean symbolize different things for different people, though some of its connotations are definitely universal. The word POWER comes to mind for sure!  Thanks to all who linked up!

For this round of Write or Die, we have a word prompt! LONELINESS, it sounds like a downer, right? If we've learned anything from 40 rounds of the Write or Die linkup, it's that we can count on array of perspectives on any given word, phrase, photo or concept. We know you'll surprise us with your insights! (But if it turns out to be a downer, that's okay too. Haha :))

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Happy writing!!

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Sleep. Refreshing, restorative sleep. Where you stay asleep the whole night and wake up completely refreshed. Maybe you dream, maybe you don't. But you wake up with the sun and to the sounds of birds chirping outside your window.

I don't think I know what that is anymore. I live in a perpetual state of exhaustion. It's so hard for me to fall asleep. And when I finally do, I wake up an hour or 2 later. And it takes me another hour or 2 to fall back asleep. And then I wake up again. And on and on it goes. Until I finally fall asleep about 45 minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off and I wake up feeling like I ran a marathon all night, even though I was just laying down in bed for hours. It's the strangest feeling.

When my kids were younger, I would chalk it up to new motherhood and the sleeplessness that goes along with that. But they are 7 and 4 now. They sleep through the night. Sure, they still wake up at the crack of dawn each morning, but there shouldn't be any reason that I couldn't get some rest at night.

I've heard all the tricks - don't look at your phone/computer/tv before bed. Exercise. Take vitamins. Have some, ahem, good quality time with your spouse. Drink heavily. Yeahhh, none of that works. I've tried them all. Ew, except for the warm milk thing. That just sounds like drinking throw-up to me. So no thank you.

I can't tell you how lonely it feels in the middle of the night, when everyone else is asleep. My husband, my kids, the pets. And I'm laying there wide awake, with only my thoughts and frustration for company. It makes me want to cry sometimes. Makes me want to bang my head against the wall until I pass out. But knowing my luck, I'd probably just end up with a concussion and they'd tell me NOT to sleep.

It's hard not to feel alone when you hear people say, "Oh, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow." Or, "How can you do that? I have to have 8 hours of sleep every night." And I know they aren't trying to be insensitive, they just can't fathom what's it like to be up every night, and only functioning on an hour or 2 of sleep every day.

It's also hard to shake other people's perceptions of me. Thinking that I'm lazy, because I'm tired all the time and all I want to do is lay around. But that's because that's all the energy I have. Sometimes, people will ask me how I'm doing and I'll respond, "I'm here," because to me, it's an accomplishment just to get out of bed some days.

Anyway, that's my story. What makes you feel lonely? What does loneliness mean to you? Come share!



P.S. Don't forget to enter my scary story contest. You could win prizes!



   

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