Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I Like My Big Butt and I Cannot Lie

I often get pretty deep and dark on this ole blog. So today, I decided to take a crack (HAHA) at something a little different and I hope you guys enjoy it. 

So... I have a big butt. There's just no getting around it. Growing up in the '90s, during the height of Kate Moss-esque beauty standards, I would often go to great lengths to hide this bodacious booty. There was my hip hop period, with baggy jeans and big t-shirts. There was my grunge period, with big plaid flannel shirts. I would rarely wear anything too form-fitting because I didn't want to draw attention to my buttockal region. 

But I eventually grew to appreciate my curves. I knew I looked different from the models and actresses in the magazines at the time, and I felt like being different made me unique and exotic. As an introvert, I never wanted to draw attention to myself, but I stopped actively hiding behind... my behind. 

Now that you can't turn around without seeing the Kim K, Nicki Minaj, and J-Lo's of the world, I feel validated. Like yep - Mia got a big ol' butt, SAY WHAT! 

And please know that I'm not putting down anyone's body type - I think all women are beautiful in all different ways. But I just want to share with you a few reasons why I love my big butt and I cannot lie: 

Built-in fall protection. Fall on your butt? Shoot. Just get up, dust that tushie off, and keep on truckin. You won't feel a thing. 

Musical instrument. My kids have learned a lot about rhythm by standing behind me and patting me on the butt to the beat of a song. Who needs a drum set when you got a buns set? 

No flag zone. Remember when kids used to run around pull other people's pants down as a joke? HA. These suckers aren't going anywhere without some Crisco and a crowbar.  

Seat cushion. I'm an excellent road trip companion. Or movie date. Basically, a chair extraordinaire. 

Radio queen. I mean, pretty much every song on the radio these days is about me. Or so I like to think. 

Chivalry magnet. My husband sure loves to open doors for me and let me walk in front of him. How nice. 

So, I could end it here, butt (HAHA) I will leave you with these wise words from Sir Mix-a-Lot, royal rump expert: 

You can do sidebends or situps, but please don't lose that butt. BABY GOT BACK. 

You're welcome. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what's awesome? Getting comments from YOU!