But I do have my limits. I'm human. Just because I keep quiet, or just because I smile, or just because I try to turn uncomfortable situations into a joke and make people laugh, doesn't mean that I'm not angry or sad or disappointed on the inside. I just don't show it because most of the time it wouldn't be productive. Sure, it would probably feel good for a minute to just say whatever I'm feeling (which would involve plenty of four-letter words), but what would it accomplish at the end of the day? Only more drama. More negativity and conflict. Sometimes when I'm feeling more upset than usual, I'll vent to a friend, and then once I get it out, I feel better.
Lately, though, I find it harder and harder to hold things in. The thread that keeps my filter in place is fraying at an alarming rate. I find myself wondering why I have allowed myself to become a doormat to other people. That they can say or do whatever and I just take it. I can guarantee that if the situations were reversed, they would balk at being treated that way.
I'm not starting the revolution or anything here, but I think it's high time that I stood up for myself. That I demand the same type of treatment that anyone else would expect to receive. I still say killing with kindness is the best solution, but if that fails... well, let's just say I'll be in the corner sharpening my verbal claws.