Monday, October 27, 2014

Are you my BFF?

I recently read "MWF seeking BFF" by Rachel Bertsche. [Bear with me, this post isn't a book review, but it really got me thinking about making friends and friendship in general.] Basically, the premise is that Bertsche has moved to Chicago with her then-boyfriend (now husband) and left behind her BFFs in Manhattan. She doesn't have anyone to go to brunch with or anyone to come over and watch tv, according to her, so she embarks on a year-long quest to find a new BFF and goes on 52 "friend dates".

She tries different tactics to make new friends - mutual acquaintances, speed friend-ing (like speed dating), taking out an ad, meeting people at restaurants, the gym, book club, etc. Sometimes she connects with the person, sometimes she doesn't. But what was most interesting to me was how difficult it was for her to truly make a friend. Making friends when we were kids was so easy. If our parents were friends, or we were in the same class or rode the same bus - boom, instant friendship. But making friends as an adult is really hard.


Now, I'm not talking about acquaintances - those people that you are friendly with and may hang out with occasionally. But I'm talking about a true friend, a best friend for life or BFFL (pronounced "biffle") as I like to say. Someone you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets to and know that they won't breathe a word to another soul, and they certainly won't judge you. Someone you can call any time, just to chat, and not need a particular reason for the call. Someone who will come over and hang out with you and watch stupid tv. Someone who lets you cry on their shoulder or rant and rave when you're angry. Someone who truly cares about you and has your best interest at heart. Where do you find someone like that when high school and college are many a few years behind you? When you have work and family obligations that take up most of your time? Think about it. When was the last time you made a new BFFL? All of my close IRL friends are people that I know from high school or college. 


Some people say that their spouse is their best friend and I agree - to a certain extent. Your spouse is the person you are spending the rest of your life with and knows you better than anyone else. But too much dependency on your spouse can be unhealthy, as I know from personal experience. You need that girl time to talk about girl stuff. Profound, I know. 

So, what's your take on this? Do you find that it's harder to make real BFFs as an adult? Share what you think, I'd love to hear about it. 



10 comments:

  1. I miss my girlfriends back home very much. I had (still have) a *really* awesome group of gals that I had the pleasure of spending many years with. My BFFL (haha) and I recently celebrated our 20 year anniversary :)

    Since moving to Hawaii, I have had a difficult time meeting new people. The friends I do have I made while teaching, and they're still working while I'm not.

    I miss having face-to-face contact with friends. Friends are one of the best things about life, I believe. And I agree that while my husband knows me better than anyone in the world, who the hell am I supposed to vent to about him when he is working my nerve? Who am I gonna fantasize The Brothers Chmerkovisky with if not my girlfriends? :)

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  2. Oh how I love this post. I honestly can't say I have had a "BFFL" since middle school. Things get so weird and complicated in high school, haha! I think being a SAHM makes it hard to meet new people and connect on that deeper level of friendship.

    I do however have two fabulous ladies that I do dinner with once a month and that girl time is the best! ;)

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  3. I definitely think it's harder to make BFF's once you are an adult. I don't have one. I used to have quite a few. We have drifted apart through the years and now I don't have anyone to do "bff" things with. It's sad. :( But, in all honesty, where do you meet someone??

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  4. So much truth! I have made a lot of friends over the years, but I can't say there is one true BFF. Recent example - for the wedding, I didn't pick a maid of honor...I just had bridesmaids. I have two brothers and have always been close with them. And, of course, I do consider my husband to be my best friend. But I really struggle in the girlfriend making department. Maybe I'm just not wired for it....but I do wish that I had a true BFFL :) Definitely interested in check out this book!

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  5. I definitely agree that making friends is soo hard as an adult. I've struggled for years. But I also struggled making friends as a child. So maybe it's just me.

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  6. Oh man I definitely agree that it is much harder as an adult! I know women who are probably just a few years older or younger then me who have kids. Now I'm not against having kids, I can't wait to have kids. But because they are married with kids it is really hard for us to click,even though we are the same age. As we get older we are all at different points in our life that makes it super difficult to find that perfect gf. I struggle on the daily with this. Any tips?!?!

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  7. I have grown closer to a dear friend over the past year but I'm not sure I could call her my BFF. I was lucky enough to once work with a fantastic group of women for many years and even though we all no longer work together, we consistently see each other once a month. Finding friends is very hard as an adult because everyone has so many different things to do. I've also found as I grow older, my friend base is of all ages and that is something I wouldn't have had when younger.

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  8. I think its so much harder! Life is way busier now, and I have more things to worry about!!

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  9. Oh mia, oh you rock my face with your poignant posts.
    It's harder to make friends as an adult, hands down. There's so many factors that contribute to that but I find the biggest one has to be that people are weirdos. They say you should be as picky about a friend as you would a mate. The older you get the more you realize that a handful of folks will do, because your windows of time have become narrower. It's all about who you want to let in. Because they enrich your life.

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  10. ugh i completely agree. the only adults i talk to anymore are coworkers! i always get jealous watching friends or sex and the city because i`d love to have those types of relationships!

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