Friday, May 17, 2013

Well THAT Was Embarrassing...

*disclaimer - this post is about LADY PARTS. You're welcome. 

Ladies, let me just start out by saying that we go through a whole hell of a lot in our lives, don't we?  Just being women entails a whole slew of things that could be described as unpleasant.  Let me list them out for you, because I know you're dying to relive all of this along with me: 

-Constantly having to shave various areas (aka operation kill Sasquatch)
-Getting your period every month - Just... why? 
-Not getting your period #ohshingle
-Giving birth (aka passing watermelons through a straw)
-Mammograms (aka making boob pancakes)
-Pap smears

Oh pap smears.  So, I think you know where I'm headed with this.  Last week, I had to go to the gynecologist for my annual exam and pap smear.  Definitely not something I look forward to every year, but I know it's important.  Yet also annoying. 

I knew it would be off to a rocky start when the nurse tells me to take off my bra, but leave my shirt on. Wtf? Do you know how weird that is? This is what I was wearing...  

Awk...ward. All dressed up and nowhere for your boobs to go. 

So the doctor finally comes in.  We do a little chit chatting, she asks me some questions, the usual.  Then we get down to business.  Lady business.  I've assumed the position, feet in stirrups, the whole 9 yards. Then, out of nowhere, with her face like 5 inches from my you-know-what, she asks, "Did Dr. P. deliver your last baby?" 

My heart starts pounding, and I'm freaking out for no reason. It's not like she asked me if I like scary movies. But I say, "Umm... yes he did." And she says "Yea, I thought so." DUDE! How could she tell? Did he leave a calling card?  Did he carve his initials down there? "Dr P. was here"... I mean, what in the holy heck? 

Of course now I'm so freaking curious, I need to know what the heck she was seeing! 

Does this crap only happen to me??? 



  1. That is funny! acka-awkward! lol

  2. Oi! The only thing worse would have been her sticking her hands in the freezer...

  3. WHat the heck?! How can she tell? So strange, unless she was just trying to have conversation?

  4. Haha that is funny. I'm trying to figure out what would have prompted her to say that, and nothing is coming to me. Maybe he has a sort of stitching style (if you got stitches) <-- you know, like the difference between a french braid and a fishtail.

  5. That is so... unpleasant! I hate when doctors and nurses pull shit like that, especially when it comes to lady parts. It's the one part of my body that I'm never, ever, ever going to want anyone talking about!

  6. Oh my gosh! haha that's too funny! Those appointments are always awkward!

  7. What in the hell??? That is so weird, that just gave me the goosebumps!

    xo Dinah @ sunshine super glam

  8. Lol... AWKWARD!!! Maybe she was looking at your chart and that was on there? or something.... who knows.

    And about the taming sasquatch thing - this may be TMI or a super awkward question, but HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT?!?!?!?! Okay, I'm done now.

  9. Hahaha oh my how awkward!

  10. I had my first pap a month ago, and it was just so uncomfortable especially since I was caught off guard and I didn't want to say it was my first time or that I really didn't want one >_< but I bit my and went through with it... if it's going to keep me healthy...

    -Clara, BFF

  11. hahaha. OMG!! This is hilarious and sooo awkward!! Never had a baby, but never had that happen. My doc usually looks me right in the eye while she's "probing". That is also quite awkward. Look away!!


  12. Oh paps...doesn't seem like a big deal after having a baby lol

  13. Ok not to get too graphic or ask too many awkward questions...but maybe did you happen to have an episiotomy during birth? Or tear and need to be stitched up? Because every doctor has a unique way of lacing you up when you're done and the resulting scarring is kind of...trademark? Weird, gross...just thoughts from someone who went through OB rotations in nursing school.
    But seriously, I would have probably been like: "what the hell? Did you read that on my chart or can you seriously tell from being down there?"

  14. Hahaha, you crack me up! :D I must say, I would honestly not be so calm and would have asked like a million questions about why she knew! :D


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